'Well Professor Hartnell are you pleased that your new brain scan machine has arrived?
a
'Ach! I am Doctor Murphy, been waiting for a machine like this for years. It's the most up to date brain scanner in the world, I can't wait to use it and see just how much information it gives us. In fact I'm just waiting for the very first patient to arrive. Would you like to stay and have a look at how well it works'
'Thats very kind of you Professor, I would love to see it working. Professor that knock on the door must be your patient now'
'Ach hello! come in and your name is?'a
'Grr....Rumpelled O'Budda, without the atch'a
'Please take a seat Mr O'Budda and let me have a look at your file'.a
'Look Doctor! I'm not in form for any of this health stuff this morning. I was out on the piss again last night'a
'Ach! No! No! Mr O'Budda, your joking with me now. It says here in your file that you're not to be drinking, and it's Professor to you if you don't mind'a
'Don't tell me you're from Liverpool too?'a
'Ach noo! Im from Glasgee'a
'Great pubs there, I'll bet Professor?'a
'Ach! ma goodness Mr O'Budda, is that all you think about, pubs?'a
'Grr.....Yeh! and smoking, and did I mention drinking?'a
'Lord! God! Mr O'Budda! You're really teasing me now, will you please hop out of your clothes, and put this gown on and lie down on me new scanner'a
'Grr..can I not just stay in me underpants, I dont look great in those dress things?'a
'Ach! if you must Mr O'Budda, it's your brain we want to look at'a
'There you go now, Mr O'Budda, I need you to lie still and dont mind the noise and the scanner moving up and down'a
'Grrr...I need a pint and a cigarette, can I smoke in here Professor?'a
'Go on Mr O'Budda, you are a real joker'a
'NO! NO! Mr O'Budda.....I didn't men you could smoke!'a
'Grrr....'a
'Now Dr Murphy, Dr Ryan referred Mr O'Budda here to me for a super scan because Dr Ryan says in his notes that Mr O'Budda's regular scan gave unrecognisable results. It says here that it was like Mr O'Budda's brain was fighting the scanner'
'Hey Professor! Can you get a move on, it's nearly closing time!'
'Well knock me into the firth of forth, Mr O'Budda. It's only seven after nine in the morning'a
'Yikes! Did you say seven of nine and fifth of four? Where are they? Are they here?'a
'Ach! Mr O'Budda can you please stay quite for a moment'a
'Now Dr Murphy in a moment we shall start getting a print out. I suspect Mr O'Budda's nutolobian globes are enlarged, along with I imagine a secretion of stucobarstoolitis, tinged with a large shade of irritablitis.'a
'That will be very interesting, if that is the case Professor'a
'Here we go Dr Murphy, the results!.......................Ach! Lord!........Aeeeee....Cant be! What does this mean ? Thirteen of six and half; full Borg designation'
'Press that More Information button Dr Murphy'a
'Oh Lord......have a look here Dr Murphy it says............Thirteen of six was a drone in the Borg collective that had the mutation which allowed him to enter Unimatrix Zero. In 2376, Thirteen of six was assigned to a subjunction of Unimatrix 525. He was summoned to the Unicomplex in Unimatrix 01 by the Borg Queen. She asked him what he remembered about Unimatrix Zero, attempting to locate the carrier frequency that let the drone enter Unimatrix Zero. When Thirteen of six didn't reply, the Queen severed his connection to the Hive mind. The drone still said he remembered nothing. The Queen decided to have the drone dismantled and remove his cortical array (his head) for analysis instead. (VOY: "Unimatrix Zero")
a
'For God's sake!...Ach no! ....Dr Murphy...look at the scan image!
Reporting from St James for daOak
Marsha Mellow
