The Age of Aquarius or is it the Aged of Desper-arius!

For Jayzus sake! I'm sitting at the bar, it's early evening, I'm on my own and the place is empty. I haven't seen sight nor sound of daOak since we returned two days ago. We had been away since June, that was when the Alka-nerda ganged up on us and paid for a 'Fat-twat' to be placed on our heads. However, recently the Nerds have allowed us to return once we kept our mouths shut, mind our own business and don't write anything about them. He..hehehe...yea...right!

So there I am, sitting, minding me own bleeding business, watching the sexy little burd behind the bar refilling the cooler. Actually, it was worse than that I was ogling the little burd's behind, as she refilled the cooler behind the bar!

Okay....Guilty! By the way she is a pretty little thing, with a somewhat grumpy face until she smiles, and then jayzus she would brighten the heart of any man.

'Polish' she said she was, can you imagine dat? Polish and dis is Ireland! Did ya ever think you would see the day? Polish, Chineese, Argintinkians and others, all working in my local.

Anyway der she was yacking away to me, filling the cooler, her back to me and I didn't hear a thing she said. To be honest I couldn't take me eyes off her arse and dat bit of string dat was going around her waist and down elsewhere.

Being a nosey old fart I had to ask her what it was.

She said it was a 'thong'.

A f**ing thong! Im my day a thong was something ya put on yur feet. Now she says they puts dem between the cracks of their arse! And I can't imagine why and where it ends up! Wooo....whats de world coming too? I would hate to see wat she would do with me old army boots!




Suddenly I felt dat fimilar cold breeze materilised beside me, and daOak appears 'for F***$ sake!' he says 'I've been away for a few months, and the children of the Age of Aquarius have turned into the Aged of Desper-arius!'

'Wat are ya talking about, ya old muppet?' I asks

'Well' he says 'Years ago, when the Budda, Queen Vic and Mystic, used to come in ere they wer yung, a laugh and sparky. Now dey have turned into fucking grumpy old farts'

I tought I wus hering things! daOak complaining about iss old mates!

'All dey do now is complain!' he grumbles, with his head between his hands 'and even worse, dey are getin mixed up wit dat other crowd!'

Oh Jayzus! by this time me head is bleeding melting, daOak talking about others complaining 'Wat are you going on about, what is all mixed up?' I asks him

'De old corner boys and Queen Vic' he says 'even without the Professor, have become the moaniest fuckers I have ever heard. And! And! Wats worse!' he screeches eyes bulging out of his old dial 'I'm sure they are going to cross breed!'

At this stage all I want to do is get back to gawking at the Polish burd 'Okay daOak' I says 'Wat are ya talking about cross breeding, who is going to cross breed?'

He leaned forward and mumbles 'I heard one of the Nerds saying dat he was going to invite da Budda up to his apartment. Ya see I always said it! The Nerds are from the twilight zone and dey are going to try and cross breed'

Mmmm...I suppose the movie will be called 'Aliens daOak 3'

Interview with daOak (Manager in Spirit)

daOak and Wise returned today from a their sorgorne abroad, and while Wise was catching up on some serious sampling of the old brew, I managed to have a chat with him and inderectly with daOak.

MM (Marsha Mellow): daOak Sir, how do I address you?

daOak: a good lookin girdle like can call me any time!

MM: (Blushing) that is not what I meant, does it feel good to be back?

daOak: Not really, everything has changed here. Freddie and the Sarge have gone and there is some guy called Doris in charge now, so Mystic says. However rumour has it he or she is never here. How can you manage a bar when you are never here? When I managed this bar I was always here and still am, even though I have passed to the other side, do you think I would leave it to this bunch of *7$"**8^$*** running the place.

MM: So what has changed sine you have been away apart from the management?

daOake: Well the noise level has increased the TR Bar and it's a pain in the arse for the people in the Oak bar.

stopped just inside the door and looked around 'Oh it's great to be back' he said. We had just returned after been in hiding for the last couple of months. It's a long story so I'll tell you all about it another time.

I looked around and realised that the place was empty with the exception of a scrawney looking little female behind the bar. I was hoping that Sarge would be on duty, so I could catch up on everything I missed while being away.

'Nothing ever changes around here' he said gleefully. However he was to realise very quickly that everything had changed

The ejection of Herr Flick from the Oak

Recently I had the great pleasure to witness the ejection of a former Tanaiste and ex-leader of a certain political party from the Oak Bar. Why? Well Herr Flick thought that he was exempt from the smoking ban and felt that he could stand inside the door of our drinking emporium with a pint of plain in one hand and a smoking cigarillo in the other.

Much to the amusement of the staff and other patrons, Herr Flick was informed by a well mannered non-national doorman that there was a ban on smoking inside public buildings and that included public bars. Offended and outraged Herr Flick paused for a moment before deciding to comply and step outside; however when he did and much to his confusion he was asked to please step back inside and plonk his pint down.

At this point one of Herr Flicks henchmen and obviously a member of the PD Gestapo goose stepped across the room and started to yap at the heels of the burly doorman, demanding to know the doorman’s name and where he came from. To a big ‘Oooo’ and the odd 'racist' comment from the surrounding patrons, Her Flick quickly called his Jack Russell to heel and commanded him to sit and stop snarling.

Marsha Mellow

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem

daOak and Wise have been in hiding for a while now, ever since the Al-Ka-Nerda invaded the Oak Bar and pushed them into hiding.
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In true Al-Ka-Nerda fashion they claimed to believe in free speech however very shortly after taking power they placed a fat-twat on the heads of daOak and Wise.




Recently I had a chance to visit the two old farts at their holiday hideaway in the sun, only to find that daOak wants to come home.

So beware Oakians the boys are on their way back!

'Quod licet bovi, non licet bon jovi'

Signing off for the moment

Marsha Mellow


Ps. Here is a photo of me on the beach;