Free Willie!

'Why do women have to try and change men?' daOak asked last night.

'What do you mean, change men?' I asked curiously

'You know! Once women get their claws into a mans heart they have to start changing everything about him' He said seriously 'then he isn’t the man she first met, he's turned into a different bloke'

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DaOak never ceases to amaze me. He obviously has too much time on his hands, ear-wigging in on people’s conversations.

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'Oakay I said, what exactly are you talking about?'

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'Well, you know that Princess one, the one dat comes in here and nearly wears the mirror out?' He nodded towards the mirror at the end of the bar 'Don't you remember when Bremmer the barman was working here, he had to keep putting up posters in front of the mirror to protect the silver from being burned off the back of the mirror. By yur woman looking at herself'

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'Go on I said, uncertain of were this conversation was going.

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'She was in here the other night with some of her friends. And for jayzus sake! They were talking about her boyfriend Willie'. 'Oh' says that one Jemima, the one who talks with marbles in her mouth 'He's a lovely fella, but I think it's about time we redesigned him'.

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Then the other one, Trinity kicks in 'Ya! You have been seeing him long enough now, it's time for him to be programmed'

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'Oh!' I said to daOak 'You mean stage two?' He nodded in agreement.

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'Anyway' he continued, the Princess was delighted, she sat upright and started to flick her hair back, as she does when things are getting interesting. Then she says 'To be honest with yis girls, I have been thinking that me-self, you know! He's no dress sense and I hate those Dunnes Stores shirts.

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'Ya! Ya!' Trinity says 'They are so common, just like the people who drink in here' patting the Princess on the hand in sympathy. Knowing well that the Oak was one Willies watering holes. 'And those people he hangs around with, just look at the way that little round fella keeps looking at my legs!'

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'Jayzus Wise! says daOak 'The Budda nearly fell off his stool when the three of them turned around and caught him gawking at yer ones legs. Lucky for him as he hopped off the stool to make a quick exit to the jacks, they couldn't see him behind the counter, he's so small'

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'Well Gurls! says Jemima 'When we get into work tomorrow, we'll borrow Henrietta’s book 'Rebuilding Your Man From Scratch'' They all laughed 'Lets celebrate Gurls!' Says the Princess 'Dis round's on me, Bumbay Tunic for every wan?'

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'God Wise' daOak says to me seriously 'We'll have to try and do something to save Willie. Why don't you get the lads together and start a 'Free Willie' campaign!'

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So there you have it! daOak wants to start a 'Free Willie' campaign. Anybody have any ideas?

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The Wise One