Long Legs and the Honey Pot....Calling!

I once knew a man who was cautious, careful and suspicious of all female activity. In fact he talked about it incessantly; he wrote about it in volumes and became an icon of male self-preservation.

He moved from town to town dispensing his knowledge. Men came from distant parts of the nation to hear him speak, to gain his unique perspective, to be cured. In 1999 he established his first church at the place of the ‘Holy Oak’ were he ordained his twelve disciples/apostles.

Budda, Long John’s Silver, Gurdy-Gurdy, Mystic, Perry, La Coola Dude da Oaka, Mystic, Willie, Big Bertha, Tipper Ariee, Fillius, Sarge.

In one of his parables he tells this story:

God appears to a man and offers to grant him his most dearly held wish. The man asks for a motorway stretching from Dublin to Florida because he hates flying but loves visiting Disneyworld.

God suggests that his wish is a bit selfish, that most people would ask for something that might benefit humanity a little more and gives him 24 hours to think it over. The next day he returns and the man says that instead of the transatlantic highway, he’d like to know what women want.

If he knew that secret, he argues, he could share it with other men and make the world a happier more harmonious place. God looks at him, nods his head slowly and says “How many lanes would you like on that motorway my son?

Recently he shocked his apostles with a surprise announcement

‘My brothers’ he announced ‘Soon I must leave you (Friday evening 6.30pm Ryanair) My time here has nearly come to an end. As you are aware I have been chosen by my father to be the one to sacrifice myself for the good of mankind.’

He paused for effect ‘Recently in my dreams I have been hearing the music’

The apostles gasped in unison ‘aaahhh!’ (B flat)

He continued ‘I have been hearing the music and the tapping of dancing feet’



Then he said something I didn't understand 'Sociologically speaking' he said 'it maybe Rainham in my heart, but I'll have an umbrella, and it will be a Rosie day when the sun shines!'

Pausing again said 'My brothers some of you have already fallen to the call of the Honey Pot, poor Perry, Willie and Mystic for example are beyond redemption. Others unfortunately will never chew a tasty piece of honeycomb. However while we four may have failed, you must continue on and resist the temptation of the flesh and wonder!'