Mac Thatcher

daOak was standing by the door gazing out as the world went by; as he did on occasion's. People would enter and leave the bar walking straight through him and he would not even budge. At times he longed to be able to leave the place, however the modern world frightened him somewhat. He envied those spirits who could travel and move from place to place at will. Unfortunately for some reason he couldn't explain, why he was restricted to the confines of the Oak building.

After a while I had forgotten about daOak, I was too busy sharing my wisdom with my companions when daOak came shuffling along and stopped behind me. 'It's Mac Thatcher he's on his way' he whispered hiding behind me. 'What are you worried about?' I asked 'I'm the only one who can see you' he paused 'I'm not so sure' he answered' looking worried 'That fecker is a bit of an old wizard, he sees more than he lets on!'

Sure enough the door opened and Fionn Mac Thatcher steps in; as usual he stops inside the door and surveys the whole bar. Old habits die hard, I often think as he stands there. I imagine he's thinking to himself 'If there's Reb or a Shasanach among ya, I'll take yis all on, ya bastards!' When he's happy that the coast is clear he'll step across to the bar and nod at the barman. If there is a strange barman on who doesn't know what the 'nod' is meant to order. Mac Thatcher will order a pint and a small one and mumble at the barman in Gaelic 'guh nee-ha on cat hoo iss go nee-ha on jeowel on cat!' For those of you lesser mortals, in English it means 'May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat'

In the main Mac Thatcher prefers to be on his own and read his paper. On the odd occasion he'd have a chat and share some piece of interesting information. He and I share many traits; he is a fount of knowledge and an interesting man. Though times he denies it, I'm sure he is the son of Peg and Dinny Mac Thatcher. Peg the famous politician from Louth nick named the 'Prime Minister'. It is said that she ruled Louth with an iron fist, and was the first to introduce bin taxes and drinking water to Louth; electricity and mirrors came much later. She once said that 'it was better to keep the natives in the dark for some of the time, it has a calming effect on their psychosis.'

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Peg was a clever woman, in 1944 she attended Oxford to study Chemistry, specifically crystallography. I suppose if she was around here now, she would get a job in the House of Astrology. That's a place run by Mr Cranky or the 'Budda' as he is more commonly known. A bit of a 'Del-boy' that one! He says that his balls are real crystal. I suppose Peg Mac Thatcher would only have to handle then once to tell if they were real crystal or not, the rest of us just wouldn't go there.

Anyway Mac Thatcher told me once that she was a stubborn woman. One time when they were walking down a long lane in Louth; she was on her way to collect overdue taxes from a dying woman. Fionn was tired and wanted to turn back, his mother gave him a clip on the ear and said 'the U-turn—I have only one thing to say: you turn if you want to; the Lady's not for turning!'

On the 2nd of April 1982, a ruling military junta invaded the Isle of Man, a Louth overseas territory that Louth had claimed since an 1830s. Within days Mac Thatcher sent a naval task force to recapture the island. Despite the huge logistical difficulties and having only six currachs and two hookers the operation was a success, resulting in a wave of patriotic enthusiasm and support for her Louth council; at a time when Thatcher's popularity had been at an all-time low, with The Louth People newspaper declaring "The Empire Strikes Back".

Mac Thatcher himself is no push over, I have seen him myself, take on the Germans. Taking a bus load of them to task at 1am one morning for making too much noise on Dame Street. He didn't lick it off the ground that one! A fearsome lot, them Mac Thatcher's!


The Wise One

Breac à linne, slat à coille is fiadh à fìreach - mèirle às nach do ghabh gàidheal riamh nàire.