It was like a scene from the 'Get Smart' TV series, which is re-running for the 102nd time on one channel at the moment.
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I felt like 'Agent 99' when the Chief called myself and Wise in to 'Control' last week. Wise was taking some well earned holidays and the Chief asked me to step into the 'Wise One's' shoes. I did, but they were too big; I would have to wear a pair of my own.
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'The Cold War is still on' he said looking concerned 'even though it's the beginning of summer, there is a cold wind blowing behind the scenes'
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'Your mission 99!' said the Chief
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I interrupted him 'Aren't you supposed to say 'If you choose to accept it!''
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Confused for a moment, he replied 'No! that's a different TV program'
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I nodded
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He started again 'Your mission 99, should you choose to accept it. Is while Wise is away on holidays I want you to go down to the Oak Bar. We believe that 'KAOS' have infiltrated it and we don't want to miss and opportunity to see what they are up too!'
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'Yes Chief' I said
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When you get there, try and make contact with daOak. You'll probably have to use Wise's shoe phone.
'That will be difficult Chief' I said 'They don't fit!'
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He look at me for a moment 'Well you'll have to carry one in your handbag'
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'If you can't get daOak on the phone' he continued 'look out for some soccer fans with self filling pints. He'll be somewhere around them. You can update yourself by reading the Socperts Report'
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Last Night: I dressed early; chose a suitable outfit so I would blend in with the locals. I didn't want to look out of place.
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I could feel his magnetic powers drawing me closer!' However I was lucky; Wise had warned me and I had used anti-magnetic face powder and sat behind them at the window.
'La Coola' sat beside two suspicious looking women. I managed to take a photo of them in the mirror with my ring camera.
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On the other side of the two women sat a man I also recognised as the Chief of 'KAOS'. His name 'The Budda'
There was certainly something up!
I didn't take his photo, the Chief had warned me not too. The Budda had camera sensitive eyes, which would automatically respond to any camera pointed at them.
'What would happen, if I did take his photo?' I had asked the Chief
'Well! It's tragic really!' The Chief had replied 'If the 'Budda' senses a camera being pointed at him. He will immediately respond by breaking out in song or start quoting Shakespeare or worse still he may jump onto the counter and start doing a tap dancing'
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'Why does he do that?' I asked curiously
'Like I said, it's tragic really' The Chief nodded in genuine sympathy 'It all happened a long time ago. He fell on the rails'
I interrupted again 'Surly you mean 'fell of the rails'?'
'Don't call me Shirley! 99! At least not here in work' The Chief said annoyed 'Anyway, it all happened a long time ago when the 'Budda' had a leading role in a movie called 'Von Ryan's Express'
The movie was being made on a train in the Alps, and unfortunately the 'Budda' fell of the train on to the track. The crew decided to leave him there and never came back to collect him. His last scene in the movie shows him running along behind the train as it rattles off into a tunnel'
Since then he has suffered from 'Tragic Actor Kaos' syndrome and has never worked again. Through our surveillance we know that he spends nearly all his weekends going from one tourist spot to another jumping out in front of Japanese and American tourists who are taking photo's.
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Back to the Oak! 99!
Yes! Back to the Oak!
There was something big going down. The two ladies I now realised were the curmudgeon life critics, Statler and Waldorf. Members of B.O.O. -- Brotherhood of Ornery Oldsters. It wasn't long before Mystic arrived, shortly followed by some heavy guns; Offaly Fast and Mac Thatcher.
I slipped quietly off to the loo and phoned in my report to 'Control'.
'Get out quickly' The Chief warned 'Mac Thatcher is on the war path at the moment and may recognise you. If he does; then the shit will fly! So you better get out of there fast! We don't want to blow your cover.
I did and he didn't!
Marsha Mellow a
Undercover for 'The Wise One'
8 comments:
Are you the real thing? The real 99? Is that a flake sticking out of your head?
I think it more like a head sticking out of a flake!
That's not very nice. Let us see what you look like anonymous!
He's short,argumentative,balding and wears longjohns
Is that when he is out?
Does the Budda have healing powers? Or is he just a good dancer?
He hasn't come out yet Legal Eagle
Janey, I was in Read's for the first time in a while. No young ones about, just Mystic, the Prof and Buddha. Buddha seemed to be in some pain so I casually propped up the bar to have a listen and see what was what. I can now reveal that Mystic and the Prof are NERDS!!! I know a little about computers but even I was bored rigid listening to them. Buddhas eyes had glazed over with pain and he just picked up his cigs and went out for a smoke. I couldn't blame him.
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